blog? what blog?

Blog? I don't have a blog... oh wait. Yes I do. Oops. Hi interwebs. It's been a long hiatus. But there have been some big changes in M world. None of which are job related of course. When I finally stop procrastinating about everything else in my life, I'll divulge more. I'm just glad I remembered the login for this website.

-M

:*(

Yesterday evening was a really hard night for me. I felt really lost and unmotivated and, quite simply, super depressed. This unemployed thing is really getting to me. I have lost my positive power and I don't know what to do. Things are not looking up and I just don't know how much more I can take. Listening to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" on repeat is not helping either, but it just suits my mood these days. It's making me think that maybe the career I'm trying to transition to and pursue is not for me. Maybe I'm more suited for something more simple like a shopkeeper. I feel so lost

-A

Trying Times

I've been meaning to post this for a month now, but just didn't have a chance to during our little hiatus. So here it is...

Last month was the Coachella Music Festival and I really wanted to go. In my non-money-making status, I wasn't really in a position to purchase $300 tickets to this 3-day concert, however amazing it was going to be. I felt a little pang of jealousy in my heart every time I heard it on the radio, heard somebody talking about going, or even saw someone wearing a T-shirt from years ago. I'll say it again, I really wanted to go!

So on a whim, I signed up to try to win tickets from a local radio station that was giving away tickets if you registered on their website. The chances were small, but I was going to try, darn it, because I wanted to go! As it turned out, I got a call informing me that I won! I was chuffed to bits to hear that I won! I was literally jumping up and down and screaming, I was so happy. I ended up having an amazing time and it wouldn't have happened if I didn't at least try to win the tickets, which is what can be said about job searching. So many times, I am so discouraged and just want to be a lazy bum and not look. The chances are so small; there are so many other people competing for the same job; nobody is hiring, etc. But we won't get what we want and nothing is going to happen if we don't work towards it and just try.

-A

Just let it be

This is what I've noticed: when I play tennis, my warm-up shots before the match are solid and nicely placed. Yet when I start to play the game, I get so conservative and hit floaters and shots down the middle. I get scared to lose the point and it affects the quality of my game. But when I don't care (like when I'm tired or hungry and all I want to do is end the match) I actually play better and go for the riskier corner shots - with, for the most part, consistent success. So I've been trying to convince myself not to try so hard, just let my natural ability come to play. Because when I start to think about it too much, it works against me.

This applies as well to work sometimes. Last week, I wrote about a horrible day (which kind of expanded to include the entire week) at my internship and I realized that part of the reason was because I was trying too hard. I was trying too hard to impress and thus over thinking things, which I think rubbed my supervisor the wrong way (which is another story with not so nice commentary, but not for this post). So I've decided to take the same approach at work as in tennis. I'm not going to worry too much about doing a good job and will just rely on my natural work ethic and skills, which I have every faith in.

-A

Library

The library is the greatest thing. I used to buy most of my books, but now that I don't have much discretionary income, I've found getting them from the library is just as great, if not better. If I don't like a particular book, I don't have to lament the $X I spent - I can just return it! This way, as well, I can purchase only the books I really enjoyed to fill my shelves. Also, the DVD section has some good and new selections. So check it out!

-A

Sleep

These past few days have reminded me just how precious sleep is and how I'm so grateful that during my time off, I am able to sleep an adequate number of hours per night. I've been helping M with her project recently and an early wake-up time is not a good thing for a night owl and acute insomniac like me. But I was happy to do it bc she is my friend and co-blogger - and I will be expecting rides to the airport for life! jk! I'm glad too that I don't usually have to wake up at an ungodly hour for any work, or even for my internship, and that I can still get a decent night's sleep when I go to bed at 3 or 4 am.

-A

frosty cold one

i didn't have one of these tonight... but i wish i did.

cheers.

-M